I am alone here.
No one walks the beach at this hour,
so I survey a shore line free from human interference
– except my own.
I say a prayer to Great Spirit; a prayer for my family – all of them.
I pray that one day we know love and peace and healing – together.
Even as the doubt rises within me
I know how strong the hand of Spirit is
and that all things are possible.
A man now walks the beach.
He faces East and raises his arms
as if to embrace the fire in the sky –
perhaps he did.
I love where I live.
It has been a hard time.
The pain of my family finally spoken;
truth shared and denied, anger erupting, tears released.
I love these people, all of them,
and I grieve even as my own anger rises –
rises because of the grief old and big.
I have never been comfortable with it,
have always known we deserve better,
have never been able to get to “better”.
I am releasing so many dreams and expectations,
allowing for the possibility of an unremarkable life.
It may be that I will never write that book,
live in the home with huge windows in the forest,
save my family.
When I feel the letting go there is sadness
but there is also more room for breath.
Perhaps I will only ever accomplish that…
Breathing into me.
Me being enough.
I have seen the fear in my family, all of us, fear I know so well.
The fear that drives us to clutch to what we know,
cling to it as though it will save us,
although it never has.
I realize that we have never feared things dying –
instead things living.
But we have mighty hearts and live anyways.
I listen to waves come to shore,
to angry crows claiming food,
to the gentle foot falls of a man walking on stones.
This life is full and beautiful –
as am I…
and that man DID embrace the Sun.
And I am breathing into me.